Fever

I've been sick since Saturday night and no, it's not A(H1N1) so I try to lock myself up in my room for most of the day as not to infect anyone especially my mom. I go out once in a while to grab food and to do some activities. My head tends to ache much more when I'm idle. And I don't want to be like mom sitting around all day, see I try to set as an example hee. I kinda miss mom taking care of me when I'm sick such as today. Although I understand that she can't give the care she used to give me. Instead, my sister looks after me to check up on how I'm doing but basically, 'till last night, I was taking care of myself. Today, however, my fever had been fluctuating like mad. Probably mom had quite a scare so she goes into my room once in a while though I tell her not to. When I come anywhere near her, I wear a mask and as much as possible try not to cough. Since she can't pretty much take care of me hands-on, it's our house help, ate Meanne who looks after me. That way, I still feel mom's care for me.

Funny we both look out for one another.

I also overheard mom taking to my uncle from the States saying "Ok naman si Eina and Leni, very supportive naman sila". Amidst our impatience, mom still is able to see our care for her.

Thank God. Mom's trying to regain her appetite though not as much.

Thank you for your prayers though I still ask for it.

I'll try to attend school tomorrow. I can't miss one day of French class.

Breaking Down 1

Had mom chosen to have chemo, her first session would've been last night. But she choose not to take it claiming that she has not regained her strength and that it'll be too expensive.

(Note: the chance of recurrence without chemo is 100% so the doctor strongly suggests for her to undergo chemo to at least "cleanse" what's left in there)

On not regaining her strength, let me refresh you: it's been a month already and I believe through that course in time, she should've at least start eating normally by now. I don't know what's keeping her. Kesyo masakit likod, walang panlasa, and now hindi matunawan. How on earth will she be able to get back on her normal routine if she won't eat well and stretch those muscles? She claims she's been walking around all day and sumasakit na yung paa niya. What's one round of walk around the salas? That won't exercise her muscles! Natural, mangangalay at magmamanhid yung lower back mo. Try sitting and lying down all day long. Do nothing more and nothing less, only that for four whole weeks, sabihin mo nga sa'kin, pa'nong hindi magmamanhid 'yang pwetan mo? She relies solely on painkillers and massages!

Medicines are no good if the patient has no drive to recover. I see no effort in her. Ano ba, doesn't she know how hard it is to look at her suffering like this? Doesn't she want to give us at least a spark of hope that she will be just fine?

She refuses to take the natural medicines my aunt gave her. What a waste! It would've been a great alternative for chemo!

Dad and ate are having a hard time too; minsan kelangan pang mag-away, but they're trying to understand. I am too. That's what we have to do. Pero hahayaan nalang ba naming ganito?

This is the first time I feel like breaking down after I was hit by the news. I was okay for the longest time but people who knew kept telling me "Wow, ba't ang saya-saya mo pa? Tawa ka ng tawa?" Eh p***** i**, anong gusto mong gawin mo, maglupasay ako rito? Gagaling ba nanay ko pag ginawa ko 'yun?

O ito, nahihirapan ako. Masaya na kayo? O, asan na kayo?

Français

Before I study for my first French quiz...

Today was a pretty long and exciting day. Yesterday was too! I have so many stories to tell, actually but because of the constraint in time, I will only have time to tell a few.

I'm more focused on studying French now since my professor noted I'm doing quite well with my pronunciation. Quite well isn't really what I wanted to hear but it is enough to keep me going!

I met up with my best friend right after class. We bought tickets for the play I need to watch on Saturday. My first tambay for nothing has officially started! Right after our small talks, we decided to have a meal at Mcdo Philcoa since I had nothing for breakfast and my stomach was shouting for me to feed it.

Going back to UP, I stayed at the Engineering building for a while while we wait for Kat's professor. When her class started, I went out on my own and decided to have my CRS webmail activated.

I met up with Aira soon after at the Film Center, and together, we watched the first entry shown for the 14th French Film Festival - La Pianiste (The Pianist). Admission was free!

Boo for lowres cam

The movie was two hours long.

By 5pm, I was deciding to go home and run errands for my mother but as Aira and I were heading our way out of the theater, someone from across the street shouted my name. It was my bestfriend.

She, her friend Jasper and I had cake over Choco Kiss, Bestfriend's treat!

I got home really late, like 7pm 'cause I had to stop over the mall to buy food that mom requested.

School has been really exciting. I'm hoping I'd love it more! I miss my friends, though :)

Before I really end this entry, please be a fan of UP Oblation Run! Thanks!

Paint My Love

Lame title, I know. This blog is kinda rushed.

T'was a pretty long day! I did errands for mom and aside from that, I get to see Kat and dine with her mom at a fast food chain at the mall.

Besides that, I also went to school today to visit the lib, hoping to get more supplementary details for my report tomorrow. All the books I needed at CAL were on loan. The rest of the copies were at Masscomm lib. I walked my way there under the heat and much much much to my disappointment, Masscomm lib was closed for the day~

Childhood friend came over and mom didn't throw a fit. In fact she was right beside us while we do my school works. Yes, you read that right, he did half of my work load so yay, less work load for me!

He decided to stay longer and watch cable TV while mom takes a nap in their room. Of course, you could not take away the shared close [intimate doesn't sound right] moments we had - him sitting closer, his arm rests on mine and his head even rested on my shoulder. I had to look once in a while at my parents' room mirror to see if mom could see us but really, I didn't mind.

Today, I felt closer to him. We had fun and we acted like kids, throwing pillows at one another. And, I even painted his nails pink and blue!

He wanted to stay much much longer but I made him go home 'cause the call of duty (as a daughter and as a student) was reaching out for me.

BTW, I phoned TV5 today but they didn't ring me back.

Spark

So, how are you dear o'd blog and readers? Are there even some of you left? I know I haven't been updating nor have I checked onto this site lately. It's been what, yet another week of outdated update? I realized my entries have been nothing but boring. Oh well, it's as interesting as it can get so deal with it.

I'm coping with my new university life and I'm starting to have fun. I've gained friends and I'm happy about 'em. I'm looking forward to each class now (aside maybe from STS and Geog1) 'cause they're starting to get interesting! I've also gotten myself a crush in one of my GE courses. Wahaha, I couldn't believe it myself but I always find myself blushing everytime I enter this class. Add the fact that a friend of mine keeps teasing me about it. It just adds more flavor to the food!

That's all I've got for you today. I'm disoriented (as indicated in my Y!M status message) 'cause I've been deprived of sleep for the past few days but nakabawi naman this afternoon.

RIP Michael Jackson.

I don't want to talk about death.

Regarding TV5's Bloggers' Contest

You're probably wondering what happened with the time you wasted clicking and commenting on my entry... Well...

You may [or may not] remember that I recently joined this bloggers' contest where I asked you to click, read and comment. The winners were supposed to be announced by the 3rd of June 2009, as said in the contest mechanics.

Winner will be announced on the next bloggers event on June 3, 2009.

Since it also said that winners be announced during the bloggers' event on the said date, I made an inquiry,posting a topic in the proper thread and emailing TV5 if the authors need or need not attend the event in order for our entries to be valid. I got no response. Neither have I seen any details regarding the bloggers' event.

It has been two weeks after the said announcement date of the winners and I have not found any results until now. I made several attempts to ask through the forum and Facebook [as it is the most updated site of TV5] yet I get no response.

I'm starting to doubt this contest that I joined because for one, (1) there aren't sufficient details; for another, (2) the forum regarding the contest isn't even properly moderated; third, (3)I did not get, not even one, response from all the inquiries I made, and lastly, (4) announcement of winners aren't made yet [or not that I'm aware of].

My peers tell me I could file chargers against this. I don't want to get in to that so I am hoping that TV5 would release the soon.

First Impressions

It did not cross my mind that creating a first impression is tasking. I know you are going to advice me to just be myself. Ok, now tell me, how can one be herself and at the same time, try to fit in her new environment? FYI, this university is entirely a new environment for me and I'm extremely bad at trying to be myself in this situation. It's like I'm paranoid or something. It's like I don't even know who I am! I'm trying to work it out though. I'm trying to make myself believe that it's alright to be alone - that it doesn't matter. I'm just not used to eating alone or going through tasks by myself; I was always in a crowd or at least with a friend or two.

At this point in time, I miss my friends in my previous college.

I feel a doubt with the decision I made. But God always finds ways to get me back on the right track. Just in time, I heard this song by Parokya ni Edgar entitled Akala. The song may have a pessimistic approach but it surprisingly has a very optimistic message:

Akala ko alam ko na ang lahat
Ng dapat na malaman ngunit
Mali na naman, pero ok lang yan...

Wag kang matakot na baka magkamali
Walang mapapala kung di ka magbakasakali
Dahil lumlipas ang oras, baka ka maiwanan
Kung hindi mo susubukan...

Akala ko dati walang mangyayari
Akala din nila ngayon wala silang masabi
Akala ng lahat mapapagod din ako
Mabuti nalang matigas ang aking ulo

Akala walang mapupuntahan kahit na paghirapan ngunit,
Mali nanaman, kung hindi mo susubukan sana'y hindi ko na nalaman
Eh di nasayang lang

Taking risks aren't always easy but we'll get through it, eventually~

On another note: I've got this heavy feeling inside regarding my best pal. I'm not going to disclose who. As you may know, I have four best pals. No specifics but I just feel bad towards one of them. If you knew the reason why, it may sound so immature but I can't help it. It's like the implication of the situation is that best pal lost trust in me or something. And this best pal has not contacted me after this certain incident.

I feel so uncomfortable. It's extremely a heavy load to know that you are not completely in good terms with your best pal.

People change, I know. Let's say the cliche all together now: change is inevitable.

Maybe I just can't cope with the change best pal made over the years.

Or maybe best pal has found another friend who can fulfill best pal's imagery of a friend. Well, I'm sorry if I've been busy but I believe I did not neglect a moment when best pal needed me. I may be out of focus, but I try my best to listen. The least best pal could do is understand.

I'm sorry if best pal can't see that. I'm sorry if I'm not good enough.

J'ai besoin de quelqu'un qui peut écouter mes soucis~